i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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