Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Threesome in a minivan. New low
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
