A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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