The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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