There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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