Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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