turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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