I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
