its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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