let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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