i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Even my vagina gasped.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
