Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
