I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
