mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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