you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
