I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
