I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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