She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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