I wish I could punch you in the face.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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