I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
