so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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