she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
