Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
the night ended with taco bell and tears
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
