my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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