Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
