She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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