The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
