If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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