I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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