how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
