If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
