she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
