My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
It was confusing and full of hummus
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
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