my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Everyone says I win the strip club
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Randomize
