I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
