You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
