i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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