i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
