I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
