Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
