Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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