i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
