Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
They have beer where we have blood.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
