1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
