Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
