we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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