eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
