I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
