if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
