I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
