It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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