if i can run in heels then i can drive
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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